I’m proud of my PhD in neuroscience, but, in hindsight, it conned me for 4 years. Or, maybe, did I con myself?

No, I didn’t believe that once I had earned a doctorate, professorship would follow in two, three years. No, I wasn’t deceived into thinking that it would have opened all the doors. No, I didn’t expect industries to fight over my brain, had I ever left academia.

Forget career perspectives and job security: the con was another, more subtle and more insidious…

Pursuing my degree through weekends and nights, I became convinced that my adult life would begin only after my PhD. At 24, 25, 26, 27, 28 years old, I still felt like a student, despite having to manage the responsibilities and duties of a scientist.

Adulthood, with its challenges and opportunities, was so remote, a steady immovable target lost in a hazy future, instead of a process, the process of growing up.

Working on my first publications, seeking the praise of my mentors, aspiring to win the respect of my peers (and applying to fellowships, what a stress!), I swept under the rug some existential questions:

“When am I going to buy a house?”

“Where am I going to put down roots?”

“Have I found my soulmate yet (spoiler: no, at that time)?”

“Will I ever have solid friendships?”

“Am I ever going to be a dad?”

Sure, I can’t solely blame the pursuit of a PhD for my mindset. But I believe that was the main catalyst. I had a passion and a goal, and my dedication was yielding its fruits. Over four years, I never stopped once to ponder the questions above.

And if you are like me — a bit of a loner motivated by an insatiable curiosity bordering on obsessiveness — you might fall for the same delusion. Let me break it to you: your life won’t magically start once you become a doctor and you publish in Cell, Nature, Science. Instead, you’ll tell yourself that you have to keep the momentum, life can wait in the freezer until you finally conquer that professorship you crave… And so you trap yourself in an eternal deferral, chasing the next big achievement.

No, a PhD didn’t con me. Foolishly, I conned myself, until the day I nearly died (I won’t blame academia for this, though). And then, I came to realise this platitude, so obvious yet so easy to forget when working towards your degree:

You cannot freeze your life, and there is no PAUSE button you can hit. Life is already happening, and it keeps happening until you are no more.

Choose your priorities wisely.